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Before a waitress had even showed up to take our drink orders, we had trashed Dick Vitale. "He and all the commentators make Duke out like it's an Ivy League school, the way they handle their athletes," she said. "And we all know it's not. And the kids that are going to Duke, they're not North Carolinians. They get there and basketball becomes their social life. They're more impressed with what they think they contribute to the game as Krzyzewski's 'sixth man' than with what is actually happening on the court."
--excerpt from To Hate Like This Is to Be Happy Forever by Will Blythe
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Truthaboutduke.com --> Encyclopedia!
Dick Vitale -
Dick Vitale has become a parody of himself. If you have a good memory, or have recently seen an ESPN classic game Vitale announced, you will know that Vitale used to actually pay attention to the game and provide good analysis. Now, he is more of an act than anything.
Perhaps most annoying is Vitale's love for anything Duke. He once proclaimed of Duke: 'There's nothing to criticize!!!'. During a game, (it doesn't matter if Duke isn't even playing) you often hear him praise Coach K, the Cameron Crazies, Jason Williams and Chris Duhon (best backcourt in America? Yeah Right) and Shane Battier.
One can only hope that Vitale receives the welcome he deserves in college arenas across America.
Boo him.
Boo him loud.
At least download a 260 kb wav file of dookie V proclaiming Jason Williams and Chris Duhon the 'best backcourt in the history of college basketball'...... or play the Dick Vitale drinking game.
Here's an article about Dick Vitale's wife complaining about Dick
Finally, here is an hilarious piece:
A Day in the Life of Dick Vitale
5:30 am: Alarm clock goes off with the sounds of Duke's fight song. Vitale wakes up happy, ready to face another day.
5:35 am: Vitale enters the shower and uses Blue Devil Blue bar of soap while going over his to-do list mentally. Suddenly, his wife hears him blurt out, "It's a travesty that no one has hired Wojo yet! He's gonna be awesome babeee!!!" She wonders why she ever said "I do" 80 years ago.
6:00 am: Turns on ESPN to find SportsCenter replaying for the two hundredth time of the morning. When Duke's game isn't the first highlight shown, Vitale throws his bowl of Coach K Krunch at the screen. He sees the teams and yells something about "That damn West Coast bias"...Iowa vs. Missouri is the highlight being shown.
6:03 am: Vitale calls ESPN's employee direct line to complain about the lack of respect Duke is being shown during the broadcast. The producer tells him that because Duke beat Portland (not the Trail Blazers, mind you, but Portland U.) by 74, no one in the production meeting wanted that game to lead in with. Vitale threatens a boycott of Stuart Scott, the current anchor on air, and UNC alum. The producer laughs.
6:45 am: Vitale is on the phone to Coach K's secretary...at home. "Mr. Vitale," She says. "I don't go to work until 8 o'clock, please wait until I'm in the office. Coach K won't be in until 10 either. Stop calling me!" Vitale responds that he must have an exclusive interview with The Almighty, er, Coach K as soon as possible! He needs his opinion on what to wear to that night's game.
8:30 am: Vitale plays tennis with Grant Hill's dad and loses six-love, six-love. Afterwards, Vitale grabs the sweat-soaked towel Hill used and runs off with it. Later, his wife finds it in the closet next to the ones from Christian Laettner, Bobby Hurley, Elton Brand and Corey Maggette's AAU coach. She calls her divorce lawyer...again.
10:15 am: Dick is doing an interview with ESPNews' Michael Kim about the young college basketball season. Kim asks him about the surprising Arizona Wildcats and their two top-five wins from last week.
"That's right, Michael, you heard it here first, Duke's Jason Williams is the best point guard in the history of basketball. Not just college basketball, but all of basketball at every level!!!"
Kim sighs and asks Vitale who his early favorite to win the Big XII is. "Personally Michael, I think it's an M&Mer, a mismatch babee, it's no contest. Duke could beat the Bulls right now. I know some of you out there in America are going to laugh at me, but I really think the two best teams in the NBA are the Lakers and Duke."
ESPNews immediately cuts to commercial.
1:30 pm: Vitale has lunch with new-signed Duke recruit Sean Dockery. Dockery thanks Vitale for helping him pass his ACT and asks him what he thought of "his boy Will Bynum" the other night in New York City.
"Never heard of him." Vitale says.
3:45 pm: Vitale is on the phone with Coach K asking if he can give the team a pre-game pep talk.
"But Dick, we're just playing Davidson, the kids will be fine."
Vitale then literally begs Krzyzewski to let him sit on the bench next to Shane Battier.
"He's in the NBA, Dick. Plays down in Memphis now, doing quite well as a matter of fact, had 30 last night."
"Oh," Vitale says. "Do you have his number?"
4:57 pm: Minutes before he is to be on the air along with College Basketball 2Night's analyst, Jay Bilas, Vitale is despondent.
"What's the matter Dickie V?" Bilas asks.
"The Network just called. They're sending me out west again. I have to cover the LSU-Tennessee game in Baton Rouge next week."
"Dick, that's not even close to the west. It's right off the mighty Mississip-"
"I know...I hate the Pacific Ocean."
6:10 pm: Tip-off of the game Vitale is covering: UConn vs. Fairfield (Why this game is on ESPN nation-wide is unknown to 99.3% of the country). The Huskies win the tap.
Vitale: "Duke should cut the nets down once again this March in the Georgia Dome, it's gonna be repeat city, babee!"
By mentioning Duke in a non-Duke game in the first 0.3 seconds, Vitale bests his own World Record by nearly a full second! His broadcast partner, Brad Nessler, congratulates him.
8:15 pm: UConn wins 102-60 behind sophomore phenom Caron Butler's quadruple-double. He scores 55, grabs 17 boards, dishes out 11 assists and records 11 steals as well. Many around the nation are calling it one of the best all-around single game performances they've ever seen. Nessler asks Vitale his opinion on Butler's game.
"When you break it down, it becomes clear that Jason Williams and Chris Duhon of Duke are far and away the greatest backcourt in history, babee! This Butler kid is nothing compared to the Super Soph Duhon! I saw a game last year where Duhon scored 14 points! He was flat out awesome babee!"
8:22 pm: Vitale is forced to go on-court to interview Butler. The Q&A goes like this:
Vitale: I'm here with Caron Butler, who shocked the nation by not signing with Duke outta high school. Caron, what is your take on Shane Battier?
Butler (stunned): "Uh, he was a great player last year. I have a lot of respect for his game."
Vitale: "Me too. Brad, back to you."
9:57 pm: Vitale watches the last minutes of Duke's 129-52 victory over a helpless Davidson club at the ESPNZone in Manhattan. Someone in the restaurant tells Vitale to shut up after he screams when Duke backup guard Andre Buckner scores on a layup.
"You're the most biased person alive, Dukie V!" the man yells. "You are the reason everyone outside of Durham HATES Duke, because you never shut up about them!"
Vitale leaves the restaurant, but not before taunting the crowd with chants of "Who's your daddy, Battier!" a la the Cameron Crazies.
No one gets it.
11:00 pm: Vitale is back home, watching SportsCenter. When Duke is not the first highlight shown, he once again calls the studio in Bristol, CT.
"Dick," the producer says. "Duke won by 77, no one cares! Caron Butler had one of the best games ever, Michael Jordan broke his legs, Barry Bonds AND Jason Giambi signed with the Yankees and Arizona beat another top-five team. Those are our lead stories!"
Vitale responds angrily. "Nobody cares about those things! Michael Dunleavy and Carlos Boozer both dunked tonight...with authority babee! I heard Coach K even played Casey Sanders and Nick Horvath together tonight! These are important things the country must know about! And how about the suit little Wojo was wearing? If he's not head coach material I don't know who is! And speaking of suits, get that Stuart Scott off the air, he's a Tar Heel babee! We hate those Chapel Hill guys. ...Hello?"
All he hears is: "If you'd like to make a call, please hang up or try the number again."
11:59 pm: Duke is the last highlight shown, and now Vitale can go to bed. He brushes his teeth with the 1992 Final Four toothbrush Thomas Hill used, flosses with the same strand Trajan Langdon used before the losing the '99 championship game and prays to his shrine of Battier.
All he asks for is that Duke gets respect around the country and that no one, especially ESPN, sends him out to the West Coast to do a game. Because he hates going to Nebraska.
He gets into bed and thinks about the next day. Someone named UCLA is playing against someone named Stanford.
"Hmm," he thinks. "Never heard of 'em."
Dick Vitale in Players/Coaches Photo Gallery:
Click on a photo to enlarge it!
Dook Vitale with dance team
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Dick Vitale in Students Photo Gallery:
Click on a photo to enlarge it!
Vitale shooting
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Vitale and Duke Student
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Vitale and Duke Student
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Dick Vitale in Funny Photoshops Gallery:
Click on a photo to enlarge it!
(these are doctored images)
Napolean Dukamite
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Coach K and Dook Vitale
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Coach K and Vitale
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Coach K and sign
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Dook Vitale
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Shane and Dick Vitale
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Dookie V and Coach K
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